I love the whole concept of Mario Golf so friggin’ much. There’s no sport better suited to be arcade-ified, and on Wednesday Nintendo announced that Mario Golf Super Rush was coming to the Switch later in June.
I have no doubt the game is going to be sweet, but a new Mario Golf game is also a chance to get some fabulous new golfing attire for the denizens of the Mushroom Kingdom. Now we need to take a deeper look at the fashion and determine who’s going to look best on the links from the characters we’ve seen so far.
No. 1: Wario.
Wario is perfect. Imagine Jon Daly went on a three week bender in Baton Rouge and went to an LSU game, and this is the look. The cowboy hat, the checkered pants, the two-tone polo that just breathes style. Wario’s look breaks all the rules about what looks flattering on a larger body, but he doesn’t care because Wario is so assured of his own sexiness that he will not compromise for anyone.
No. 2: Toad.
It’s Toad … in a hat. Mario Golf is out here settling one of the biggest internet debates: Is the mushroom cap on Toad’s head part of his head, or a hat itself? Now we know. Capping off the look is a stylish plaid vest, and a bow tie. This might not be great sporting attire, but goodness is this fit sharp.
No. 3: Daisy.
Daisy knows how to accessorize, and that’s what I love about this look. The high socks really complement the look well, using the same pop of orange on her gloves and belt to break up the bold choice of canary yellow. This is just excellent all around.
No. 4: Waluigi.
We didn’t get a great look a Waluigi from the trailer, and while the look is bold — I’m not quite feeling it. I mean, he’s wearing a fedora — which immediately deducts 10,000 cool points. I won’t be surprised if he has a pocket watch on a chain as well, like the kookie member of a Netflix reality show about artisanal cutlery forgers.
No. 5: Peach.
Peach’s look is fine, it’s just really plain and expected. There’s nothing bold she’s going for here, just the same safe, pink and white pallet she’s been rocking for years. The pleated bottom skirt adds a small amount of visual flair, but not nearly enough to truly rock it.
No. 6: Luigi.
Both Mario and Luigi have very similar looks, but Luigi gets the edge by a hair because he’s embracing his inner douchebag. Luigi popped his collar, which I’m sure makes him feel like a badass, while everyone else thinks he’s just an idiot. At least he’s owning it.
No. 7: Mario.
There’s really nothing to this. You see this exact look in a different colorway at every single golf course in America. It’s not special, and I’m not feeling it.
No. 8: Yoshi.
Yoshi didn’t even try. He’s naked. He’s not even wearing a hat. Just a naked-ass dinosaur running around the course while everyone else made at least some kind of effort. Just sad.